Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
They have beer where we have blood.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
