like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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