when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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