Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize