He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She bit a glass in half.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
