so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
