I molested 6 butterflies tonight
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
