Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
