My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize