first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
