Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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