The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
