im drinking this country out of the recession.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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