That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
