Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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