Me too!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
