i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
