I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Please don't give away my fajitas
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