Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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