I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
