even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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