Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
