They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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