maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
