last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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