I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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