No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
