Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
