i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
