I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
