I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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