who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
