I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
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