that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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