I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
