6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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