I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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