he told me I talked like a deaf person
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
