be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she pinky promised me she was 18
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
