So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
