I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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