I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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