Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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