the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
When did angry sex become our thing?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
