didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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