Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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