I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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