he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
