no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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