If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
A bitchslap is in order.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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