i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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