I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
