Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
