census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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