Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
