her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
