i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
