Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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