He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
