we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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