My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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