I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
try to milk me bitch
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
