At least make sure they are 18
Why
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
