Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
