love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
