Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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