It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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